Rest In Peace Aunt Brenda,

Aunt Brenda was sick. I knew this from September 2007. She lived in Canada. I had only met her once in my life.

She came down, in September '07, so say goodbye to my mother, father, and I. She was my mom's sister.

She had terminal cancer, and was refusing chemo. When it was found, it was only in her left lung. It was advanced stage 4, and this was the second time.
She had already had a portion of her lung cut off, due to cancer.

And it was back.

The doctor tried to get her to take chemotherapy treatments, her family tried to convince her. Yet, she absolutely refused. She wanted to die happy. She accepted it was the end for her.

Now, fast forward 11 months. It's August of 2008. I was around 5 months pregnant at the time.

Writing Brenda letters, emailing her. She even told me about her childhood. Meeting her only twice meant nothing to me. She was an inspiration to me.

Prior to August, she was getting very sick. Cancerous cells and tumors were overtaking her body. I remember talking to her...

"Hi Aunt Brenda!" I practically yell in a chipper voice. 15 cents a minute was a lot to pay to call Cananda, and I only got this chance once a week. It excited me...

"Hello, Katie dear." Brenda spoke quitely. Her voice was so small, so fragile. It was almost like she wasn't even there at all...

"How are you?" I said, worried. "You don't sound too good."

"I'm fine, honey." She replied. Her voice cracked. "I haven't been doing so well. I've had radiation treatments, because my doctor said it will help reduce the tumor size in my brain. He said it would buy me more time"

I started to tear up. "I'm sorry Brenda. I love you. I hope you'll be okay."

"I'll be just fine, sweetie. Let's not talk about something so sad. How are you and Leo?"

"We're great. He says hi and he misses you" - I'm crying now.

At this point, Brenda starts coughing, and her voice is so hoarse I can't hear her. Tina, her daughter takes the phone from her.
Brenda, in the background, was moaning, "Please let me talk to them... Please"

Tina came back and said "She's getting worse. Her lung collapsed last week, and her doctor said it's bad for her to talk too much. She's getting all worked up and it's going to make her sick" Tina says. I can tell she's upset. "She's been sedatory for 3 days now, hasn't moved from the same chair. She hasn't had a shower in a few weeks. I have to clean her bowels, and wash her. She's not the same anymore"

Tina proceeds to hang up the phone.


The next Sunday I didnt call. The following Sunday, I did.

Brenda could barely talk. She said I love you and I miss you.
That was all we really got to say to each other.

A week later, my mom came home from work early, and said "Katie we need to talk."
I go into her room.

"Brenda--" She chokes up. I run from the room. I can't breathe. I run into my bedroom, and jump onto the bed with Leo. He wakes up and says "Baby what's wrong, are you hurt?" I scream "No! It's... Brenda!"
He says "Oh my God.. No. Baby, it's okay.. Baby"
I was hyperventilating. I couldn't breathe.
He spent an hour talking to me. I felt so horrible, I missed Brenda. She was young, she didn't deserve to go this soon.

He needed to go pick up his check from his workplace. He took me with him so I could get my mind off of it. When he finally comes outside, he said "I'm taking you to dinner, where do you want to go?"

We ended up going to the Cheesecake Factory for a nice dinner together. (That's the nicest restaraunt around here.)

But, it still didn't fix the pain I felt. Nothing could fix that empty spot in my heart.