Pop! What was that?

I was lying in bed. It was dark outside. I had just woken up to pee (again) and I was slowly drifting back to sleep.

...

...

POP!

My eyes slam open, and I shoot out of bed. "LEO WAKE UP! My water broke!"

Leo groggily looks at me and mumbles weakly "Huh?" (pause) "Oh shit, OMG!" Leo stands up quickly in bed, and steps right down into my puddle of water. -Slip!- Leo falls to the floor, slipping in the puddle. He rushes to the bathroom to take a quick shower to wake himself up. I grab the phone, look at the time: 5:45 a.m.

My mom rushes to my room, "Honey, are you okay?"

"Yeah, my water broke."

"Oh my God! Are you hurting? Do you need help?"

"I'm fine Mom." -pause- I wince from the contraction. "Ugh, it hurts!"

Leo comes back into the room and says "Let's go!"

"Honey, we don't even have a hospital bag ready yet!"

We hurry to shove things into the bag as my contractions are coming fast and full force now. It's becoming unbearable, hard to breathe. We leave the house and hop in the car.

Leo says "Uh oh."

I cringe. 'Uh oh' is not exactly what I want to hear at this point in time. "What is it?"

"We're out of gas, we won't make it to the hospital."

We pull into Chevron and Leo rushes inside to pay. He pumps the gas and hops back in the car, turns the key and... nothing. Why isn't the car starting? What the HELL!?
"The battery died."

"What do you MEAN the battery DIED? I'm in labor and the BATTERY DIED!!!?"

Leo apologizes and gives me a hug. He calls his grandma, who lives right down the street, to give us a jump. It was 6 a.m. and nobody at Chevron was there to jump us.

She arrives 10 minutes later and they jump the car. I'm crying from the pain of the contractions. It's unbearable, I can't take it anymore. I NEED THE EPIDURAL!

We hop on the freeway to the hospital. "GO FASTER!"

We arrive at the hospital at 7 a.m. I'm crying as we get into the elevator and a woman gives me a sympathetic smile. We sign in and wait for them to send us to triage.

10 minutes later, we're welcomed back. I am told to change into a hospital gown and they ask for my pad to test it for amniotic fluid. The nurse is extremely rude, and says "You're looking very mucousy. We don't think it was your water, the baby probably just kicked your bladder."

I was furious. I was contracting like mad, and was dying for pain meds. Forty-five, yes, forty-five Hellish minutes later, the nurse returns.
"Well, I guess it was your water. We can admit you to L&D now."

We begin to walk to the other side of the Maternity floor. Contractions coming faster, harder now, I pause while walking, waiting for them to pass. We arrive to the room, and I'm told I must have a bag and a half of IV fluids before I can have the epidural. I was crushed. The pain was engulfing me, I could not take this any longer. It was an hour and a half before the anestesiologist comes in, it was the woman in the elevator who smiled at me. Thankful is an understatement at this point. My fear of needles flew out the window. It felt as if time stopped dead in it's tracks while the needle was shoved into my spine. Relief was coming, this was sure. 10 minutes passed and my lower body was numb.

I glance at the clock again: 9:30. Leo goes to the cafeteria to get some food, and my nurse cath's me, warning me it could be a long, long time before the baby is born. After all, most first time moms have long labors right?

...

Wrong.

At 10:00 I'm feeling pressure. Oh my, what is this? This is very uncomfortable! My nurse comes in and checks me for dilation. "Oh my God!"

"What?"

"You're 10 cm! Time to start pushin'!"

It's so hard to push, I can't feel anything. The epidural was just administered half an hour before, and the effects are still in full-force. Three hours it takes me, to learn the true art of pushing. In a last, exhausted effort, I push with all my might. Her head crowns, and the nurse is shocked at how much came out. She calls the doctor and says "DONT PUSH, the baby will come out now if you do."

The doctor arrives, and I begin pushing again. After 3 pushes, he gives me an episiotomy and instructs a nurse to bring over the vacuum extractor. After one more push, her head is out. 1:08 p.m.: I stare, watching the birth, I'm in utter shock. That's my baby, my daughter. My purple, blue, and bloody daughter. She's beautiful, weighing in at 7 pounds, 14 ounces and 21 inches long. She looks so healthy, but her breathing isn't right, she hasn't cried yet.

"Is my baby okay?" I yell, terrified.

The doctor stares blankly at me, "Yes, she's fine. Just having trouble breathing"

My daughter is handed to me, and I hold her for 10 seconds. She is then wisked from my arms and taken to the nursery. What's wrong with my baby? Is she okay? Terror shakes through me, as I wait for some news. It's hours before I know what's going on...

Christmas Eve Celebration

It was that time of the year again! Christmas Eve with Leo's family at his Grandma's house. I struggled to get ready, with the bulging abdomen I had. Nerves shook through me as we left for her house. Half of his family hasn't seen me at all during my pregnancy.

We arrived at her house at 5:05 p.m. and we were the second guests there. His sister and brother-in-law, and their two kids were there already.
"Oh my God, you're so BIG!" Nikki proclaims, as I waddle through the living room. She stands for a hug, and her husband stands for a handshake. The last time I had seen them was a month ago, when we went to their house for dinner. At that dinner, her husband, Lee, had said to me "Wow, you can barely tell you're pregnant! What, have you gained... ten pounds?"
"Yeah, about that. At my appointment, I'd only gained 11."
Now, at this dinner, right before Christmas, he says to me "WOW! You're big now, aren't cha?"
(...thanks...)

After the big greeting, and the Ooo's & Aaw's over my belly, I continue my walk... -err-... waddle to the sofa. The should-be 2-second-long-walk seems to take forever. My massive stomach sure did this to me a lot lately... Everywhere I walked seemed to take longer, and longer each trip. Every time I had to pee, it seemed like it took longer to get there than the time before.

Finally, I take my seat at the couch, and I planned to stay in That.Exact.Spot until I had to get up to leave for the evening. Of course, my minuscule bladder ruined these plans...over, and over again. This little baby inside of me had a blast kicking at my bladder these days..

Other family members began arriving swiftly, and boy did their eyes opened wider when they saw my belly!
"Oh, when are you due?"
"You look so big!"
"You look so small!"
"Pregnancy looks great on you!"

That last comment really made me chuckle inside...
I'm the size of a cow, and you're telling me I look GREAT?

Presents were accustomed at this occasion, everyone got some. Nikki and Lee got us The Dark Knight, Leo's great-grandmother got me a manicure set. Leo's grandma got me a dress. We also got a lot of odds-n-ends gifts, as well. We all ate our yummy food that his grandma cooked, and the evening was drawing to a close. After nearly everyone had a second (and third) helping of lasagna, everyone started shuffling out. We all said our friendly goodbyes, and everyone wished Leo and I the best of luck with our impending arrival..

We left that evening and went home to sleep. Sleep was hard to come by, nowadays, with me waking up at least 7 times a night to pee.
These last weeks of pregnancy must be preparing for what it's like to have a newborn...

Heading home...

After 4 long days in the hospital, I was ready to go home. I had been pumped with Magnesium Sulfate, Nifedipine, and Terbutaline until I felt as if I was going to go insane. Being stuck on bed rest, and having to use a bed pan to pee was the worst feeling in the world.

My contractions were letting up, and were back to normal braxton hicks again. My OBGYN came in to see me, and told me that they would be sending me home. He had written a prescription and told me to take it.

I finally left that dreaded hospital, knowing that I would be back here in a few short weeks to deliver. Next time I came, I was praying I'd be carrying my daughter in a car seat when I left... Not waddling out weakly, because of the multiple drugs the doctors shoved on me because of those contractions.

I went to the pharmacy to fill my prescription, and came to find out that my insurance didn't cover it! It was $79.95, and I only had $6.00 on me at the time. I had to call my mother, and ask her for the money. I was embarassed to ask her for money, to aid me in my pregnancy.. I created this child, why can't I be the sole provider of her? Leo and I... I wish we would have had the money. We drove to her work, and picked up the money from her. I picked up my prescription, and finally headed home...

We pulled into the driveway, and walked inside. I went into the bedroom, and laid down.

This is how it's going to be... for at least 3 weeks.

Moderate bed rest.. I had three options. Lay in bed, sit on couch, sit in bathtub.

I dont know how you can possibly be considered "on bed rest" if you are getting up every ten minutes to pee...

So, I laid in bed most of the day. I laid there, daydreaming of the day I would finally get to lay in bed with my little girl in my arms, instead of my tummy...

I went into pre-term labor.

I was 36 weeks pregnant and had been having crazy braxton hicks for a week. One afternoon the contractions were coming every 5 minutes. I hadn't even gotten approved for state health insurance yet!



Leo spent the entire day, racing back and force between home and the Dept. Of Economic Security and home, trying to get me qualified and covered as soon as possible. Finally, he comes home and says "You've qualified. Do you still need to go to the hospital?"

"YES!"



We head to the hospital, and walk up to the L&D floor. The nurse in triage says to me, "I don't think you're in labor. You don't seem very uncomfortable. It's probably just braxton hicks contractions. You can stay, if you want, and we can monitor you, but it's your choice. Do you want to stay?"

"Yes I really think I need to stay."


She hooks me up to a contraction monitor, and I was contracting regularly, every 2 minutes. She rushes in "I need to check your cervix! You're contracting a lot!" -- "Oh my! You're 3 cm dilated and 75% effaced. The head is engaged. You'll probably have this baby tonight!"

The nurse began me on an IV Drip, and gave me a shot of terbutaline to try to stop my labor. The drug increased my heart rate to 120 bpm. It was not helping, so they gave me an additional shot of it, which raised my heart rate again. Now my heart was beating at 150 bpm!
She had to draw 4 vials of blood, and I started feeling dizzy. Everything started going black. I got really light headed and the entire room was spinning. My heart was throbbing in my chest, and I couldn't see straight. Leo was getting worried, and angry at the nurse for doing this to me.
10 minutes later, my eye sight was coming back and I was beginning to feel better. My heart was still beating at 150 beats per minute, but I didn't feel so crappy anymore. The nurse had to draw one more vial of blood.

The contractions weren't stopping, and they needed me to go to a biophysical ultrasound, ASAP. I got one last shot of terbutaline before I left, which raised my heart rate to 180 BPM! I felt like I was having a heart attack.

The biophysical went great, except they determined that she was only 34 weeks gestation, instead of 36. She was doing her practice breathing, and her fluids were looking good.

I went back to the hospital room, and stayed there for 4 days while the nurses gave me Magnesium Sulfate and Nifedipine to try to stop my labor. Those were the WORST 4 days of my life. I was placed on 3 grams of mag sulfate an hour. The most they can give you is 6, and the most they had given anyone before was 4 grams/hour. I wasn't allowed to walk, and I had to use a bed pan to pee. It was so horrible. I couldn't wait until I could just go HOME..

First Ultrasound

I'm 33 weeks pregnant and haven't yet had any ultrasounds. I tell Leo about how much I love all the 3D/4D ultrasound pictures I see in the baby magazines.. Leo wanted to make me happy, so he started calling around to local places and we made an appointment for PeekOfYou 3D ultrasounds..



I started getting nervous. "Will it be a he, or a she?" "What will it really look like?"



30 minutes before our appointment, we hop in the car. Leo turns the key on, places it in drive, and we head there. The entire way I'm silent: All I can think about is the pending ultrasound. Butterflies flutter in my tummy as Leo parks the car in the parking lot.



We hop out of the car, and walk quickly to the entrance. We walk inside and a sign on the counter reads "Please fill out this paperwork as you wait. I am in a scan."



After I filled out the paperwork, the minutes drug on forever, silently killing me with anticipation. Finally, the woman before me walks out of the room, with a huge smile on her face. Her remaining family members followed, all talking giddily about how cool it was. The technician took the paperwork from me, and we followed her into the scan room.

A big projector screen hung on the wall. There was a couch on the left side of the room, and a big bed in the middle. This did not seem like an ultrasound exam room, this was more like a bedroom in a rich person's home!

The lady asked me to lie on the bed and uncover my stomach. I did as told, and revealed my abdomen. She turns on the machine, and places the goo-covered receiver on my stomach. A black and white image was revealed on the screen.
"It's a girl!"

As the ultrasound progressed, we got to watch out little daughter move around in my stomach, in color 3D images. I have to say that it was the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my life.

When her little heartbeat fluttered on the screen, mine stopped dead in my chest. It was finally real to me- I'm having a baby, a daughter, and she will be here in about 7 short weeks... And I have no baby items to show for her yet...

My first prenatal appointment

I was 32 weeks pregnant, and I hadn't yet seen a doctor. Today was the day! Terrified of the day ahead, I begged Leo to let me stay home...
"Honey, no! I don't want to go! It's a male doctor! Please let me stay home baby!"
"No, baby. It's important. This is for the baby. You have to go."

When 10:30 a.m. rolls around, and it's time to leave, I grab my birth certificate, social security card, and I.D. card, and we head out. The doctor's office is about a 15 minute drive away. We pull into the parking lot, and walk inside. The receptionist scowls at me while I write my name on the sign-in sheet.

Leo and I take our seats in the cold office waiting room. The minutes ticked by slowly, as we waited to be called.

"Katrina?" -- "Please fill out this paperwork for your insurance."

I walk back to my seat and Leo and I begin filling out the never ending paperwork. After I finish, I take it back to the counter, and the receptionist tells me that a nurse will be seeing me shortly.

Waiting to be seen seemed to take hours, when in reality, it was only about 20 minutes. My heart was pounding in my chest, and my mind was racing.

"Katrina?" -- "Hi! How are you feeling?"
"I'm doing good."
"Please take a step onto this scale." -- "163 pounds. What did you weigh before you got pregnant?"
"152."
"Okay, good. You're gaining well." -- "Please follow me into the office."

We arrive into the office room and she haves me pee in a cup and change into the paper gown. I sit and wait for the doctor while she describes to me what a speculum is. Now I'm terrified and want to leave more than ever.

Dr. Rubin comes in and measures my belly. He said its growing accordingly. Then he takes the doppler machine and places it to my tummy.
"Thump, thump, thump, thump"
The nurse says "Do you hear that? That's the baby's heartbeat."

I got chills throughout my body, as if ice were running through my veins.
Thats my baby's heartbeat.

Finally the appointment is over and I can go home. I check out with the receptionist and she gives me a goody bag of formula samples and a couple of magazines.

I walk out of the office ecstatic. It was finally real, today. I have an OBGYN... and I heard the heartbeat, finally.

Now to get an ultrasound...

My marriage

It was 2 days after my mom found out about my pregnancy. I was still a minor, and for state insurance, they're income was slightly higher than the limit. If I wanted to be covered, I needed to get emancipated- ASAP. Time was running short.

I asked my mom to take me to get a marriage license with Leo. Leo was 17 at the time, and I was 16. We both needed our parents there. We go to the court house, and fill out the paperwork. Hand over the $112.00 it costs for the filing and copy.

We head out of there. Now it was our job to find a priest to marry us- BEFORE tomorrow morning at 9 a.m.
My first pre-natal appointment was then. If I wanted to get care, I had to be emancipated, and have proof of it. I was filling out the insurance forms then, as well, and needed the marriage license.

I called the Bishop of my church at 8:30 at night. He was getting ready to leave for the night, but by some grace of God, he asked us to come in. We were casually dressed and it was really quick.
Before we married, the Bishop talked to us for awhile. He said some encouraging things and reminded us how rewarding marriage is. He reiterated that compromise is key in a healthy relationship.

We had two witnesses, for legal purposes, the Bishop, and of course- ourselves. We said our "I do's" and were both holding back a tear. I love this man- I want to spend my life with him.

We walked out of there, and went home. We were no longer a "dating couple" -- We were MARRIED.

My parents find out.

I was 32 weeks pregnant.. It was November 23, 2008.

My mom had one night off of work early. I didn't know why she was off so early, this was so... weird. I heard a knock on my door, and it was swiftly opened. My mom came to talk to me.

She asked me to come give her a hug, but instead of a warming hug from my mother, I got a full-on, tight belly-grab.

The look.

The look she gave me pierced through my soul. Her eyes told me the story that I was so afraid to tell her. I was pregnant, and I must be pretty far along, because I'm big. Dragging me by the arm, she takes me into her room. She sits onto the bed, and... the look. Staring at me said it all.

"Are you pregnant?"

"No... I dont think I am"

"KATIE. Tell me the truth. ARE YOU PREGNANT?"

"NO! I dont think I am!"

We start talking and she gives me the money for a pregnancy test. Leo and I head up to WalGreens. We KNEW the results already, but... it was easier. I didn't want her to know that I'd been hiding a pregnancy from her for 24 weeks...
The cashier looks at me like I'm nuts. I could see what she wouldn't say aloud. "You're that big, and just now taking a pregnancy test? You must be an idiot..."

We leave to go home.. We walk inside.. Leo zombie-walks to my bedroom, wanting no part of the 'testing process' and my mother finding out. I walk into her bedroom, "I got it."
"Have you taken it yet?"
"No, I'm afraid to."
"Go do it, and come see me."

I walk into my restroom. Ah, this is all too familiar to me. I slide my pants down, put the pee stick beneath me...

I place the stick on the counter, and finish up. Of course, it's positive. What did I expect? It to be negative or something?...

I take my time, wash my hands. Dry them completely. I creep down the hallway... Open her bedroom door. "So...?"
"It's positive." - I chuck the test at her.

"We're gonna make it through this, you, Leo, and I. We will."

Buying Tye

Bitty was a lonely puppy. He needed a friend.

So, I started looking again...

Searching craigslist.. trying to find him a girlfriend.

We found a girl doggie, the "perfect" one..

Leo gets the money for her, and we drive to go see this precious pup.

We get there, and this little female dog is so timid, and shakes when touched. Leo and I wanted a snuggler, not a puppy that's terrified of us. While we were walking inside, we noticed that there was 3 puppies, two males, and the one female.

We go on to the dark brown male, who, in turn, starts beating up Bitty. Jumping on him, knocking him over, and growling. We didn't like that dog, either.

But, this last puppy, the 3rd one, wasn't to be seen.

Leo looks around, and sees the woman's two *Fat* sons, squishing the poor puppy under a pillow, whimpering, so we wouldn't see him. Leo questions the woman, "Is that dog for sale, as well"

"Yes, he is." "Boys, give them the puppy"

*Fat kid* "But Moooooooom"

"NOW"

So, the kid sets the dog on the ground, and this puppy makes a mad dash for Leo. He crawls up and hides behind Leo's feet and starts nuzzling them.

That was it, we had decided.

I didn't care anymore, boy or girl didn't matter..

I had already fallen in love with this dog...

Rest In Peace Aunt Brenda,

Aunt Brenda was sick. I knew this from September 2007. She lived in Canada. I had only met her once in my life.

She came down, in September '07, so say goodbye to my mother, father, and I. She was my mom's sister.

She had terminal cancer, and was refusing chemo. When it was found, it was only in her left lung. It was advanced stage 4, and this was the second time.
She had already had a portion of her lung cut off, due to cancer.

And it was back.

The doctor tried to get her to take chemotherapy treatments, her family tried to convince her. Yet, she absolutely refused. She wanted to die happy. She accepted it was the end for her.

Now, fast forward 11 months. It's August of 2008. I was around 5 months pregnant at the time.

Writing Brenda letters, emailing her. She even told me about her childhood. Meeting her only twice meant nothing to me. She was an inspiration to me.

Prior to August, she was getting very sick. Cancerous cells and tumors were overtaking her body. I remember talking to her...

"Hi Aunt Brenda!" I practically yell in a chipper voice. 15 cents a minute was a lot to pay to call Cananda, and I only got this chance once a week. It excited me...

"Hello, Katie dear." Brenda spoke quitely. Her voice was so small, so fragile. It was almost like she wasn't even there at all...

"How are you?" I said, worried. "You don't sound too good."

"I'm fine, honey." She replied. Her voice cracked. "I haven't been doing so well. I've had radiation treatments, because my doctor said it will help reduce the tumor size in my brain. He said it would buy me more time"

I started to tear up. "I'm sorry Brenda. I love you. I hope you'll be okay."

"I'll be just fine, sweetie. Let's not talk about something so sad. How are you and Leo?"

"We're great. He says hi and he misses you" - I'm crying now.

At this point, Brenda starts coughing, and her voice is so hoarse I can't hear her. Tina, her daughter takes the phone from her.
Brenda, in the background, was moaning, "Please let me talk to them... Please"

Tina came back and said "She's getting worse. Her lung collapsed last week, and her doctor said it's bad for her to talk too much. She's getting all worked up and it's going to make her sick" Tina says. I can tell she's upset. "She's been sedatory for 3 days now, hasn't moved from the same chair. She hasn't had a shower in a few weeks. I have to clean her bowels, and wash her. She's not the same anymore"

Tina proceeds to hang up the phone.


The next Sunday I didnt call. The following Sunday, I did.

Brenda could barely talk. She said I love you and I miss you.
That was all we really got to say to each other.

A week later, my mom came home from work early, and said "Katie we need to talk."
I go into her room.

"Brenda--" She chokes up. I run from the room. I can't breathe. I run into my bedroom, and jump onto the bed with Leo. He wakes up and says "Baby what's wrong, are you hurt?" I scream "No! It's... Brenda!"
He says "Oh my God.. No. Baby, it's okay.. Baby"
I was hyperventilating. I couldn't breathe.
He spent an hour talking to me. I felt so horrible, I missed Brenda. She was young, she didn't deserve to go this soon.

He needed to go pick up his check from his workplace. He took me with him so I could get my mind off of it. When he finally comes outside, he said "I'm taking you to dinner, where do you want to go?"

We ended up going to the Cheesecake Factory for a nice dinner together. (That's the nicest restaraunt around here.)

But, it still didn't fix the pain I felt. Nothing could fix that empty spot in my heart.

Buying Bitty.

It was the end of August. I wanted a puppy.

And Leo was willing to do everything in his power to give me one.

I started searching on Craigslist, and Kijiji. I knew what I wanted, and I wouldn't stop until I got it. I wouldn't settle for any less.

I wanted a pure white tea cup chihuahua. End.of.story.

I found one, in Phoenix. It was an hour's drive away.

We head over to the breeder's house, and on a chair in her living room I see 5 small puppies. 2 white ones, and 3 black and white ones.

Leo picks up the white boy, I pick up a black and white boy.

The one Leo picked up started licking him, and Leo fell in love!

He hands over all of the money left over from his last paycheck, all for a puppy for me.

We head home. Leo held this puppy in his lap the WHOLE WAY.

He fit in the palm of Leos hand!

We weighed him a week later, and he was only 1 pound, 7 ounces at 7 weeks old.

I'm 16

My plans to tell them came and passed, the weeks flew by. My belly slowly grew, and people in public could begin to tell I was expecting. I would get comments from random women "Aw, how far along are you? When are you due? Is it a boy or a girl?"

I did not know if it was a boy or a girl. I just told them "We want a surprise. I'm due in January."
It was easier that way. Sounded better than "Well I'm 16 years old, 5 months pregnant, and haven't told my parents yet. Wippee!"

I didn't want to tell them before my birthday.

Hell, at this point, I didn't want to tell them at all.

On my 16th birthday, I got a mini fridge. I LOVE THAT FRIDGE <33

(I took that picture a couple of days after my birthday, please excuse the messy room && I didnt feel like cropping out the mess)

I was 17 weeks when I turned 16 years old... and getting big. The picture of me up there is at 18 weeks pregnant.

I dont know how they hadn't noticed yet...

The anniversary.

I had plans to tell them.
I planned to tell them after July 4th.

July 4th was a very special day.
And no, I don't mean because it's Independence Day!

July 4th, 2007, was the day Leo officially asked me to be his girlfriend.

We had been 'together' for 2 months already, but not officially dating yet.

I wanted this day to be special.

I was around 12 weeks at the time.

I had plans to tell them right afterward, but these plans got shot far, far away.

I'm adopted.

While my dad was in Missouri, and my mother at work, that left Leo and I alone, all day.

This gave me an opportunity to discuss something with Leo. I had always felt as if I was adopted, but I had never had the proof. I look nothing like my parents. I act nothing like them.

I said to Leo "Wouldn't it be weird, if Nick was really my dad, and not my 'brother' that my parents claim him to be?"

...

So, we get to snooping.

Is this potentially wrong of us to do? Yes.
Do we care? No.
Would my parents have told me the truth if I asked them, without proof? NO. I had asked them before, many times. And it was always "No, see your birth certificate? Now, stop asking."
I would persist, and get grounded. I would get yelled at. They really got upset when I asked them about this.

I started digging, through the filing cabinet, in the scorching hot garage.

I was about to give up.

And then, I saw this leather wallet. It had a lot of cards in it, and some hand written notes.
I opened one of these.

"I give my mother, Linda Hewlette, permission to take my daughter, Katrina Hewlette, to get her shots.
Signed,
Nick Hewlette."

It didn't register at first.

Leo said "WHAT?!"

I read it again.
I.was.right.

I keep digging. I start to find more and more papers.

It was uncovered. Nick was my father, and Gene was my birth mother. Linda was Nick's mother, and my biological grandmother. Sam is Linda's new husband, my step grandfather.

I want to bring this up to my "parents" but I can't... for a long, long time.

The trip out of state.

This is the third time they've left.
My parents, that is.

Except this time was different.

Usually it was my mom and my father, driving to Missouri, to a pending court date.
This time, my mom couldn't leave work. Her boss wouldn't allow it.

This time, my grandmother was living with us. After my dad's horrible motorcycle accident, she needed to come live with us to help him. Then she had a stroke.

So, now it was my dad and my grandmother. She used to live in Missouri, before she came here. I did, too. I lived in Missouri for 12 years before I moved to Arizona.

My dad and grandmother were both incapable of driving. So, my Uncle Peter came down from Utah to drive my dad. My grandmother was going because she 'missed her house.'

My mother worked long shifts, 7 days a week.
Everyone was gone for 6 days, and my mom worked from 6am-8pm every day.

This left Leo and I home alone, all day, to do as we pleased....

Telling Samantha.

It was 2 days after I got home from Planned Parenthood.

I called Samantha. She was my best friend.
I say "I bought a purse at the mall."

Code speak, of course. We had all sorts of code words. Pillows on the bed, couches in the mall. Going shopping at the mall, with plastic, paper or nothing.
You don't need to know.
All that matters to you, is that I bought a purse at the mall.

She stopped dead. "YOU WHAT?! -
You mean you literally BOUGHT A PURSE RIGHT?! -
Not the... other one?!"

"No, I -cough- Bought a purse at the mall."

"OMFG KATIE!!!!!!"

Buying a purse at the mall is code for "I'm pregnant"

I sent her a pic of the pregnancy tests, I sent her pics of the papers from Planned Parenthood.

And then -
She does something wonderful.

She sends me a link to a website, called Babycenter.

Planned Parenthood.

It's a week after my BFP. Leo and I finally make our way to Planned Parenthood.

I step inside, and it's cold. The women behind the counter are old. I walk to the counter, and say "I need a pregnancy test." The woman replies "Are you a teenager?"
"Yes, I'm only 15."
"Okay, I need you to fill out this paperwork."

I filled it all out, and she calls me to the counter.

"Katrina-
Please take this cup, into that restroom (points to door) and pee in it. The place in on that (points again) counter."

I go to the restroom. It was gross. The toilet seat was stained.
I didn't even sit down. I squatted over the seat. I barely fill the cup. Silly me peed before we left home. I sit the cup on the counter, and go to sit by Leo.

The minutes tick by. I'm getting nervous. I've got butterflies in my tummy.

The old woman calls me into the small room. When Leo stands up to come with me, she says "No, only her." That really upset us both.
I go into the room. It's small, 4x4 feet. It's got two small chairs, and one small desk.

"Well, the test is positive."

The test

I dont know the date. I know its June, 2008. I had missed 2 periods, and I was scared. Leo and I were driving around, and I said "Babe, we need to get a test." "A what?" "A pregnancy test." So... we drive to the dollar store. Two months ago, I'd said this. We spent 8 bucks on a test from Wal Greens and it was negative. No way were we gonna do it again. We drive to dollar store, buy test.
The old Mexican lady who rung us up smiled and said "Ooh, do you think you are?" I replied, sheepishly, "Yeah.. we do." "Are you excited?" "Yeah, we are."
Of course, Leo looks like he's 20+ and I probably didn't look 15 at the time.
We head home, and shuffle off to bed.
The following morning, I wake up. It's 7.38 a.m. Waaaay earlier than I normally wake up.
I go to the restroom, take the pee stick with me. Pee into the cup, fill the dropper with urine. Drop 2 drops on the test. Finish my business, set pee stick on counter.. Go to brush teeth while I wait. NEVERMIND! I dont have to wait... TWO PINK LINES.
I check the wrapper... One line = Negative.. Two lines = Positive.
Oh god....

I run back to the bedroom and shake Leo awake. It's positive.
"What?!"
He rolls over and goes back to sleep. I do too.
10.30 a.m. he wakes up. "That was just a dream, right?"
"No, honey. It was positive. Do you want to see it?"
I show him the test, and we kind of avoid the subject for a while.
He leaves to go get $20 bucks from his dad. He needed to pick up two digital tests.

He gets home, and throws the package to me.
"Take these."

I go to the bathroom, pee on the stick.

There's that little hourglass.

HURRY UP!!!!

Two minutes later... "Pregnant"

I go back to the room, and hand the stick to Leo. He just stares at it blankly.

An hour later I had to pee again. I figure, why the hell not, and pee on the other stick...

I was gonna watch this one change with Leo, but before I even got back to the room, the little hourglass had disappeared. In it's place stood a very bold "Pregnant"

My first blog

Thanks to Kylee, I now have a very beautiful blog! This is my first blog ever, and I promise they will get more interesting as the time goes by. I just had to post this first one..
Anyways, tomorrow morning I will start my hardcore blogging, pregnancy stories, and life stories.

♥
Katie