My parents find out.

I was 32 weeks pregnant.. It was November 23, 2008.

My mom had one night off of work early. I didn't know why she was off so early, this was so... weird. I heard a knock on my door, and it was swiftly opened. My mom came to talk to me.

She asked me to come give her a hug, but instead of a warming hug from my mother, I got a full-on, tight belly-grab.

The look.

The look she gave me pierced through my soul. Her eyes told me the story that I was so afraid to tell her. I was pregnant, and I must be pretty far along, because I'm big. Dragging me by the arm, she takes me into her room. She sits onto the bed, and... the look. Staring at me said it all.

"Are you pregnant?"

"No... I dont think I am"

"KATIE. Tell me the truth. ARE YOU PREGNANT?"

"NO! I dont think I am!"

We start talking and she gives me the money for a pregnancy test. Leo and I head up to WalGreens. We KNEW the results already, but... it was easier. I didn't want her to know that I'd been hiding a pregnancy from her for 24 weeks...
The cashier looks at me like I'm nuts. I could see what she wouldn't say aloud. "You're that big, and just now taking a pregnancy test? You must be an idiot..."

We leave to go home.. We walk inside.. Leo zombie-walks to my bedroom, wanting no part of the 'testing process' and my mother finding out. I walk into her bedroom, "I got it."
"Have you taken it yet?"
"No, I'm afraid to."
"Go do it, and come see me."

I walk into my restroom. Ah, this is all too familiar to me. I slide my pants down, put the pee stick beneath me...

I place the stick on the counter, and finish up. Of course, it's positive. What did I expect? It to be negative or something?...

I take my time, wash my hands. Dry them completely. I creep down the hallway... Open her bedroom door. "So...?"
"It's positive." - I chuck the test at her.

"We're gonna make it through this, you, Leo, and I. We will."

Buying Tye

Bitty was a lonely puppy. He needed a friend.

So, I started looking again...

Searching craigslist.. trying to find him a girlfriend.

We found a girl doggie, the "perfect" one..

Leo gets the money for her, and we drive to go see this precious pup.

We get there, and this little female dog is so timid, and shakes when touched. Leo and I wanted a snuggler, not a puppy that's terrified of us. While we were walking inside, we noticed that there was 3 puppies, two males, and the one female.

We go on to the dark brown male, who, in turn, starts beating up Bitty. Jumping on him, knocking him over, and growling. We didn't like that dog, either.

But, this last puppy, the 3rd one, wasn't to be seen.

Leo looks around, and sees the woman's two *Fat* sons, squishing the poor puppy under a pillow, whimpering, so we wouldn't see him. Leo questions the woman, "Is that dog for sale, as well"

"Yes, he is." "Boys, give them the puppy"

*Fat kid* "But Moooooooom"

"NOW"

So, the kid sets the dog on the ground, and this puppy makes a mad dash for Leo. He crawls up and hides behind Leo's feet and starts nuzzling them.

That was it, we had decided.

I didn't care anymore, boy or girl didn't matter..

I had already fallen in love with this dog...

Rest In Peace Aunt Brenda,

Aunt Brenda was sick. I knew this from September 2007. She lived in Canada. I had only met her once in my life.

She came down, in September '07, so say goodbye to my mother, father, and I. She was my mom's sister.

She had terminal cancer, and was refusing chemo. When it was found, it was only in her left lung. It was advanced stage 4, and this was the second time.
She had already had a portion of her lung cut off, due to cancer.

And it was back.

The doctor tried to get her to take chemotherapy treatments, her family tried to convince her. Yet, she absolutely refused. She wanted to die happy. She accepted it was the end for her.

Now, fast forward 11 months. It's August of 2008. I was around 5 months pregnant at the time.

Writing Brenda letters, emailing her. She even told me about her childhood. Meeting her only twice meant nothing to me. She was an inspiration to me.

Prior to August, she was getting very sick. Cancerous cells and tumors were overtaking her body. I remember talking to her...

"Hi Aunt Brenda!" I practically yell in a chipper voice. 15 cents a minute was a lot to pay to call Cananda, and I only got this chance once a week. It excited me...

"Hello, Katie dear." Brenda spoke quitely. Her voice was so small, so fragile. It was almost like she wasn't even there at all...

"How are you?" I said, worried. "You don't sound too good."

"I'm fine, honey." She replied. Her voice cracked. "I haven't been doing so well. I've had radiation treatments, because my doctor said it will help reduce the tumor size in my brain. He said it would buy me more time"

I started to tear up. "I'm sorry Brenda. I love you. I hope you'll be okay."

"I'll be just fine, sweetie. Let's not talk about something so sad. How are you and Leo?"

"We're great. He says hi and he misses you" - I'm crying now.

At this point, Brenda starts coughing, and her voice is so hoarse I can't hear her. Tina, her daughter takes the phone from her.
Brenda, in the background, was moaning, "Please let me talk to them... Please"

Tina came back and said "She's getting worse. Her lung collapsed last week, and her doctor said it's bad for her to talk too much. She's getting all worked up and it's going to make her sick" Tina says. I can tell she's upset. "She's been sedatory for 3 days now, hasn't moved from the same chair. She hasn't had a shower in a few weeks. I have to clean her bowels, and wash her. She's not the same anymore"

Tina proceeds to hang up the phone.


The next Sunday I didnt call. The following Sunday, I did.

Brenda could barely talk. She said I love you and I miss you.
That was all we really got to say to each other.

A week later, my mom came home from work early, and said "Katie we need to talk."
I go into her room.

"Brenda--" She chokes up. I run from the room. I can't breathe. I run into my bedroom, and jump onto the bed with Leo. He wakes up and says "Baby what's wrong, are you hurt?" I scream "No! It's... Brenda!"
He says "Oh my God.. No. Baby, it's okay.. Baby"
I was hyperventilating. I couldn't breathe.
He spent an hour talking to me. I felt so horrible, I missed Brenda. She was young, she didn't deserve to go this soon.

He needed to go pick up his check from his workplace. He took me with him so I could get my mind off of it. When he finally comes outside, he said "I'm taking you to dinner, where do you want to go?"

We ended up going to the Cheesecake Factory for a nice dinner together. (That's the nicest restaraunt around here.)

But, it still didn't fix the pain I felt. Nothing could fix that empty spot in my heart.

Buying Bitty.

It was the end of August. I wanted a puppy.

And Leo was willing to do everything in his power to give me one.

I started searching on Craigslist, and Kijiji. I knew what I wanted, and I wouldn't stop until I got it. I wouldn't settle for any less.

I wanted a pure white tea cup chihuahua. End.of.story.

I found one, in Phoenix. It was an hour's drive away.

We head over to the breeder's house, and on a chair in her living room I see 5 small puppies. 2 white ones, and 3 black and white ones.

Leo picks up the white boy, I pick up a black and white boy.

The one Leo picked up started licking him, and Leo fell in love!

He hands over all of the money left over from his last paycheck, all for a puppy for me.

We head home. Leo held this puppy in his lap the WHOLE WAY.

He fit in the palm of Leos hand!

We weighed him a week later, and he was only 1 pound, 7 ounces at 7 weeks old.

I'm 16

My plans to tell them came and passed, the weeks flew by. My belly slowly grew, and people in public could begin to tell I was expecting. I would get comments from random women "Aw, how far along are you? When are you due? Is it a boy or a girl?"

I did not know if it was a boy or a girl. I just told them "We want a surprise. I'm due in January."
It was easier that way. Sounded better than "Well I'm 16 years old, 5 months pregnant, and haven't told my parents yet. Wippee!"

I didn't want to tell them before my birthday.

Hell, at this point, I didn't want to tell them at all.

On my 16th birthday, I got a mini fridge. I LOVE THAT FRIDGE <33

(I took that picture a couple of days after my birthday, please excuse the messy room && I didnt feel like cropping out the mess)

I was 17 weeks when I turned 16 years old... and getting big. The picture of me up there is at 18 weeks pregnant.

I dont know how they hadn't noticed yet...

The anniversary.

I had plans to tell them.
I planned to tell them after July 4th.

July 4th was a very special day.
And no, I don't mean because it's Independence Day!

July 4th, 2007, was the day Leo officially asked me to be his girlfriend.

We had been 'together' for 2 months already, but not officially dating yet.

I wanted this day to be special.

I was around 12 weeks at the time.

I had plans to tell them right afterward, but these plans got shot far, far away.

I'm adopted.

While my dad was in Missouri, and my mother at work, that left Leo and I alone, all day.

This gave me an opportunity to discuss something with Leo. I had always felt as if I was adopted, but I had never had the proof. I look nothing like my parents. I act nothing like them.

I said to Leo "Wouldn't it be weird, if Nick was really my dad, and not my 'brother' that my parents claim him to be?"

...

So, we get to snooping.

Is this potentially wrong of us to do? Yes.
Do we care? No.
Would my parents have told me the truth if I asked them, without proof? NO. I had asked them before, many times. And it was always "No, see your birth certificate? Now, stop asking."
I would persist, and get grounded. I would get yelled at. They really got upset when I asked them about this.

I started digging, through the filing cabinet, in the scorching hot garage.

I was about to give up.

And then, I saw this leather wallet. It had a lot of cards in it, and some hand written notes.
I opened one of these.

"I give my mother, Linda Hewlette, permission to take my daughter, Katrina Hewlette, to get her shots.
Signed,
Nick Hewlette."

It didn't register at first.

Leo said "WHAT?!"

I read it again.
I.was.right.

I keep digging. I start to find more and more papers.

It was uncovered. Nick was my father, and Gene was my birth mother. Linda was Nick's mother, and my biological grandmother. Sam is Linda's new husband, my step grandfather.

I want to bring this up to my "parents" but I can't... for a long, long time.

The trip out of state.

This is the third time they've left.
My parents, that is.

Except this time was different.

Usually it was my mom and my father, driving to Missouri, to a pending court date.
This time, my mom couldn't leave work. Her boss wouldn't allow it.

This time, my grandmother was living with us. After my dad's horrible motorcycle accident, she needed to come live with us to help him. Then she had a stroke.

So, now it was my dad and my grandmother. She used to live in Missouri, before she came here. I did, too. I lived in Missouri for 12 years before I moved to Arizona.

My dad and grandmother were both incapable of driving. So, my Uncle Peter came down from Utah to drive my dad. My grandmother was going because she 'missed her house.'

My mother worked long shifts, 7 days a week.
Everyone was gone for 6 days, and my mom worked from 6am-8pm every day.

This left Leo and I home alone, all day, to do as we pleased....

Telling Samantha.

It was 2 days after I got home from Planned Parenthood.

I called Samantha. She was my best friend.
I say "I bought a purse at the mall."

Code speak, of course. We had all sorts of code words. Pillows on the bed, couches in the mall. Going shopping at the mall, with plastic, paper or nothing.
You don't need to know.
All that matters to you, is that I bought a purse at the mall.

She stopped dead. "YOU WHAT?! -
You mean you literally BOUGHT A PURSE RIGHT?! -
Not the... other one?!"

"No, I -cough- Bought a purse at the mall."

"OMFG KATIE!!!!!!"

Buying a purse at the mall is code for "I'm pregnant"

I sent her a pic of the pregnancy tests, I sent her pics of the papers from Planned Parenthood.

And then -
She does something wonderful.

She sends me a link to a website, called Babycenter.

Planned Parenthood.

It's a week after my BFP. Leo and I finally make our way to Planned Parenthood.

I step inside, and it's cold. The women behind the counter are old. I walk to the counter, and say "I need a pregnancy test." The woman replies "Are you a teenager?"
"Yes, I'm only 15."
"Okay, I need you to fill out this paperwork."

I filled it all out, and she calls me to the counter.

"Katrina-
Please take this cup, into that restroom (points to door) and pee in it. The place in on that (points again) counter."

I go to the restroom. It was gross. The toilet seat was stained.
I didn't even sit down. I squatted over the seat. I barely fill the cup. Silly me peed before we left home. I sit the cup on the counter, and go to sit by Leo.

The minutes tick by. I'm getting nervous. I've got butterflies in my tummy.

The old woman calls me into the small room. When Leo stands up to come with me, she says "No, only her." That really upset us both.
I go into the room. It's small, 4x4 feet. It's got two small chairs, and one small desk.

"Well, the test is positive."

The test

I dont know the date. I know its June, 2008. I had missed 2 periods, and I was scared. Leo and I were driving around, and I said "Babe, we need to get a test." "A what?" "A pregnancy test." So... we drive to the dollar store. Two months ago, I'd said this. We spent 8 bucks on a test from Wal Greens and it was negative. No way were we gonna do it again. We drive to dollar store, buy test.
The old Mexican lady who rung us up smiled and said "Ooh, do you think you are?" I replied, sheepishly, "Yeah.. we do." "Are you excited?" "Yeah, we are."
Of course, Leo looks like he's 20+ and I probably didn't look 15 at the time.
We head home, and shuffle off to bed.
The following morning, I wake up. It's 7.38 a.m. Waaaay earlier than I normally wake up.
I go to the restroom, take the pee stick with me. Pee into the cup, fill the dropper with urine. Drop 2 drops on the test. Finish my business, set pee stick on counter.. Go to brush teeth while I wait. NEVERMIND! I dont have to wait... TWO PINK LINES.
I check the wrapper... One line = Negative.. Two lines = Positive.
Oh god....

I run back to the bedroom and shake Leo awake. It's positive.
"What?!"
He rolls over and goes back to sleep. I do too.
10.30 a.m. he wakes up. "That was just a dream, right?"
"No, honey. It was positive. Do you want to see it?"
I show him the test, and we kind of avoid the subject for a while.
He leaves to go get $20 bucks from his dad. He needed to pick up two digital tests.

He gets home, and throws the package to me.
"Take these."

I go to the bathroom, pee on the stick.

There's that little hourglass.

HURRY UP!!!!

Two minutes later... "Pregnant"

I go back to the room, and hand the stick to Leo. He just stares at it blankly.

An hour later I had to pee again. I figure, why the hell not, and pee on the other stick...

I was gonna watch this one change with Leo, but before I even got back to the room, the little hourglass had disappeared. In it's place stood a very bold "Pregnant"

My first blog

Thanks to Kylee, I now have a very beautiful blog! This is my first blog ever, and I promise they will get more interesting as the time goes by. I just had to post this first one..
Anyways, tomorrow morning I will start my hardcore blogging, pregnancy stories, and life stories.

♥
Katie